i wish i had a button to off all the misery and pain im feeling
i realli feel like im living in hell. i realli dunno how i make it through my everyday. studying, exams, weight n body issues, teenage angst, personal pains... i dunno how to deal with everything thrown at me now. i used to be such an optimistic person. but jus this yr ive been receiving blows after blows, its jus too much for me to handle. ive become a sad miserable person. i jus wanna scream and cry rite nw at this moment. i wanna get drunk n forget everything. my life has become shitty n mundane. waking up everyday is such a painful and tedious thing to do. sometimes i wish i can sleep n wake up only when I feel like it. nt wake up n deal wif everything.

im hoping all this is my pms. but i noe it isnt cuz its too early for me to be feeling like this. i dunno hw to cheer myself up. retail therapy? i dun even hav the mood n ability to drag myself out of the hse n battling wif the sun. im rite nw at starbucks n u noe it took me so much effort jus to change n get my ass out of the hse. i realli dunno hw i do all this.

my mood is jus like the weather. unpredictable. im tired.. i jus wanna be in my mum's embrace. yea but shes so many countries away. tears are welling up in my eyes rite nw. im tt miserable. i feel suffocated n lost.. aggitated n annoyed. i cant smile.. i cant function.. i cant even concentrate on watever im studying. i feel soul less. its like my soul has left me when i sleep n its yet to find its way back to my body. im an empty carcus.

i wanna get drunk n party my life away. can i jus do tt for 1 whole week? maybe i shall. when 28th sept ends.. im gonna be partying or chilling wif drinks wif people tt make me happy. n when my bday comes.. im gonna do the same: party n get drunk. tts wat i need to do rite nw!

but i realli am thankful for my boyfren who has been supporting me no mater wat i do. hes always encouraging me when i feel shit abt myself. when my self-esteem is low to the roots in the ground. when i feel fat he always tells me im pretty n loves me unconditionally for who i am. when i wanna get drunk he lets me but watches me n makes sure hes there. when i feel like giving up he pushes me n picks me up. when i cry he jus listens quietly over the fone or if hes beside me.. hugs me so tight n jus let me cry. its becuz of him i dun give up entirely on my life. its becuz of him n the dog tt keep me sane in this shitty ass world. i would hav died a long time ago if i hav nv found him. so thank u my baby.. n i love u

realli cant fking wait for exams to be over! trust me u will see me back at my home (zirca) every wk! i need tt kind of liberation after so long of being trapped in this lil bubble.