marriage is the union of two hearts that become one... beating in synchrony as one
yea i noe i looked hell shag n pale. n yes i was okaayyy! i did nth but i was mega poofed out! imagine wif onli 7hrs of sleep n standing around smiling to all of bf's uber big family of relatives... yea u will look like me trust me! n this was onli after 5hrs! idk hw i pulled through till the dinz man!swear this pic looks like frm those ikea, courts catalogue of kids playing on the bed! mad cute niece n nephew of bf's!darren was jo's personal horse! LOLleanne was mad cute! she stood rite in front of my camera n wanted me to take the pic for her! LOLbf's other niece! we both predict she will grow up into a mega pretty girl!! these 2 were mega cute! kept dancing n gg crazy when the electroish music started playing!awww SO CUTE RITE!

n heres my cutie bf who abandoned me in sg over this wkend to go viet wif his boys! PUI la u! im mad bored its nt even funni! all i wanna do is eat when im bored!!? geeezzz... ur NEVER ALLOWED to leave me here ever again!!!! so yes im crying in boredom nw! ive watched 3 episodes of ANTM... vamp diaries, 90210 n glee!! crazy shit but seriously im THIS BORED!! suppose to head out wif my homies tonite but we decided on tmr nite instead since tonite thrs pretty much nth happening! so yeppers im stoked for tmr nite cuz i get to hang wif my fav people i havnt seen in a while n then by the time i leave the club... few hrs later bf will be back! WHEEEE =D yea its crazy hw inseparable we are! but cant help it hes my life n wifout him i feel so aimless pls! yea exactly like nw! so ITS ALL UR FAULT tt im feeling so miserable, lonely n fat nw cuz all i do is eat when im bored!? geeezzz...

idk hw many of yall are still reading this dusty space but if yall want instant updates on my days n all jus follow my on twitter!! foeshitzme im a twitter whore i swear! i tweet almost every minute of my life! oh n u can ask me questions on my formspring.me/foeshitzme keep me entertained plsss!

k i noe y im so bored! i finished my report in 2 days! yea i noe i still gotta study n all but aiya lazzyy!

shall hit the sack nw since my 2 precious furball babies are already KOed on my bed. 1 on my lap n the other at the foot of my bed! BYYYEEEE

11 mths n still growing...

we are 11mths old baby!!! 1 more mth n we will be celebrating our 1 yr anniversary!! cant wait cuz it marks hw far we hav come over this yr! many ups n downs but we always make it out stronger and more in love wif each other. this whole mth has been crazy drama for me n im so thankful tt u are always by my side comforting me n giving me strength to carry on wif my life. idk wat i will ever do wifout u. n within this mth we both celebrated each others' bdays!! we hav had our fair share of nasty fights but its all part n parcel of being in a r/s. n baby its okay tt our outings hav lessened. i do love lazing at home wif u pigging out or watching tv or driving around random places. compromises hav to be made in order for a successful r/s to work out. n im always willing to do anything for u baby. n when i whine n cry abt wanting something.. u always spoil me n make me happy by meeting to my demanding requests n also surprising me in everyway u can. i hav nth more to say but a big I LOVE U! im so glad n thankful u are mine! forever n ever we are nv leaving each other

tts 1 pic frm bf's sister's wedding on saturday taken by his bro in law. tts the dress i wore for the dinz tt bf surprised me wif on 1 of my our days out mths ago. i was looking for maxi dresses n we chanced upon this 1 at wisma n was abt 100 plus n i refuse to buy it at tt point of time. but bf knew hw much i loved it n he disappeared for a while saying he was gg to the toilet while i was at forever 21 browsing around n he came back wif it! hes the sweetest i swear(: bf said tt saturday nite prepping for the dinz n all felt like prom! LOL veri true actually!

tmr's plan: head to skool for results interpretations... either head to coffeebean at amk or bf's hse to continue on my research report. then dinz wif bf n his fam.. yogurt at gardens!! heehee x) yogurt at nite always ends a day well am i nt rite!!!? k off to bed i gooooo. research report to rush out by this wkend. i can do it!! pls dun hav writers block!! grrrrr

Bf's sister's wedding day

Currently in the car while Bf is driving n his mummy in the front seat making our way to the church for his sister's wedding. Crazy mad day in the morning. Went to his place for the tea ceremony thingy n gosh tts so complex! All the ranking n all to serve tea. Wah I didn't Noe thr was a sequence n all. Mingling wif his fam was quite stressful. I felt like I was getting scanned in their heads mentally! Met abt 90% of his fam in tt short 1hr. So thrs nw the church wedding n then the dinz tonite Marriott hotel! My fav part has got to be the wedding cake! Heeeheeee k will update again later! Happy Saturday!

Ps... I shall start creating a scrap book of my dream wedding like wat Anne Hathaway n kate Hudson did in Bride Wars! Heeeheeee

Sleepless nite

Having trouble sleeping n idk y :( n it's nt becuz I changed a new bed. I guess the lil monsters in my head jus won't shut up n stop running wild. Too much gg on recently tt it's so difficult to sleep wifout taking drowsy medicines tt will make me' sleep faster n better. I feel like a robot realli. A dysfunctional one. Rite nw beside me' I've got the cat snoring away n at my feet the dog using my leg as his pillow on doggie land too. I wish I can fall asleep easily like them.

So my bed came today n gosh I realli HATE dealing wif PRCs!!! 1stly my Chinese sucks n they are fking argumentative people! Geezzzz I was so pissed jus nw but I couldn't hurl any vulgarities since my chinese is is atrocious! gotta wake up at 9ish tmr later on cuz the painter is coming to paint my walls pink! N fri my wardrobe n shelve comes in n tt completes my new rm which I gave a make over(: my rm will then feel more comfy n safe for me' to retreat to every time I feel like crap.

Havnt seen Bf in 5days already n I can seriously die :( Esp nw tt I'm so pmsy n emotional I cry like a baby when I'm angry n Water works begin when I'm upset. I'm so much more sensitive nw! Sighh cant wait for this wkend cuz it's bf's sister's wedding. At least something to boost my optimism levels since lately I'm like the worlds most pessimistic person ever. Tt love still exists n tt marriage is a blissful n happy time of a person's life.

Revelation today... In ur eyes I value lesser than tt hoebag. So hoebag 1 me 0. Thxsss

Skool

In skool nw having stats tut. I'm so bored n so resulted in the pics above. Taking 2 subs onli this sem but yet skool is still such a chore! I wanna go away! U hav no idea hw much I need a dam break nw! Tt aside... Realli can't wait for Bf to get his car. Tt means lesser public transport for me'(((((:

Presentations nw. I'm laughing at hw chill n unprepared we are so tt means we are gd thinkers on our feet! Jus gonna blabber waterer nonsense tt comes into my mind. I'm freezing n cold!

K I realize hw disorganized my thots are when I blog! K dun mind me since I havnt blogged jn ageeesssss!

I miss u Bf! Byeeee

On the go 2- to ikea!

Otw to ikea to get furniture for my rm(; the new bed is coming on thurs n in totally stoked to redo my whole rm! Am suppose to hav pink stripe walls but putting tt on a whole till mumsie comes back n paint it for me. Trying to make me' rm a more homie n comfy feeling! The transformation shall so the trick(:

It's a boring Sunday! I'm forever the lazy potato! Oh wells n bf is uncontactable! Tt lazy bum must still be sleeping! Pfftttt

I'm such a boring person it ain't funni! Puiiii

On the go 1

Currently blogging via Liam my new iPhone4(:

Jus testing out the connection since I havnt blogged in ageeesssss! Well if I can get this uploaded I promise more posts since I can blog on the go nw(:


Veri boring n pointless post but yea.

I love sat nites wif my Bf. He's the cutest I swear! We would break out into random dances when a gd song plays. He's such a kid I can't help but squeeze him all the time! My cutest baby everrrrrr! I love u pooooooo

despite all this crap i gotta go through and feel right now...

the love of my life keeps me sane. cuz when im upset, he will do a crazy "angry" dance (he likes to call it crumping) n shake his butt like thrs no tmr n then i will join in wif him n dance all the pain away. i love you so much baby! thxs for standing by me through all the hard times.

ive been avoiding blogging cuz i noe then i hav to face up to my fears n truth abt my whole life nw. ive been trying to handle some issues recently.. im trying so hard to put on a brave front n numb all my feelings. i realli wish i was a vampire. tt way i can nv feel n hide my emotions so well frm others. on day 1 of (i shall call it...) "the explosion", i caved in telling my bros n kerry. n obviously the bf was the veri 1st to hear me wailing over the fone. feeling so helpless hes the onli one i can talk to but he will nv underst wat is gg through.. wat I am gg through cuz his life is totally opp to mine. as depressed as i was.. i hanged on as long as i could. when i was out in public.. i teared occasionally even when i was listening to 'perfect nightmare' by shontelle. k normally this song would make me laugh hysterically cuz i will always think abt the veri 1st time when i heard this song, bf broke into this random crazy dance which made me laugh so hard! for once.. no "happy song" could cheer me up. n when i told my bros abt it... n they came over to hug me.. i jus balled my eyes out. i was at freakin starbucks damit! so we decided to take a drive to marina barrage n screw studying for tt day since we were all upset. we landed up at haji for dinz n shisha n realli talking abt it. i felt pain again. this time was harder since thr was onli 1 person tt came into my head the whole time n onli 1 aim.. hw to protect the ones i love? i struggled wif my emotions n pain for many days. even up to nw it still hurts. idk hw i can withstand all this already. cuz every moment bring around tt perosn irks me.. repulses me.

all along i must say im blessed. im always surrounded by people who love, care n protect me. im pampered at home n even when im out wif frens. im always the baby of the bunch. n being so used to it i often take it for granted. but thr was always part of me tt wished deep down i had a different life... different environment. i was always jealous of others. but yet i noe thr will be others who are jealous of me. cuz i grew up always getting wat i want. i will whine n cry to my parents till i get wat i want. yea call me spoiled but this was hw my parents showed me hw much they love me. jus today i received my iPhone 4 n 2k plus to re-do my whole rm. n jus last wk i mentioned to my dad tt i want the iPhone 4 n i got it today. yes im blessed... materialistically. but wat abt r/s wise? its always been a question mark for me. cuz im always jealous of others.

im battling wif all sorts of emotions nw. it hurts me so much when i noe so much but yet i can onli sit here writing my emotions n feelings wifout having any ability to protect the ones i love. i feel weak n useless. for once in my life i dun wanna be protected but i wanna do my part to protect others.

my bf, furball son n sister has been my pillar of support through this whole "explosion". sometimes i bet my bf thinks im bipolar. cuz i can be so happy when im wif him but once he hugs me.. i jus grab him so tight n cry on his shoulders until hes drenched in my tears. then to make me feel better.. he will do a crazy dance or tiger pounce n i will laugh. he realli noes hw to pamper n comfort me.

but u noe i jus feel its so unfair. i hav enough on my plate already n yet all this must happen. like it my whole life jus destined to deal wif crap n get all upset n affected by everything tt i lose all focus n direction in my life? when something falls apart in my life.. i get flustered, get frequent anxiety attacks, lose my concentration n motivation. so u tell me hw am i suppose to be focusing on my skool work?! im jus a kid who turned legal n i should be onli worrying abt skool work, assignments n exams. nt all these other crap! u noe hw suffocating n stressful all this feels?! i go to bed crying almost every nite. i wake up wif puffy eyes n a pale face. i look so shag.. im losing appetite.

i need strength to move on wif my own life. i need comfort. i need remedies to make me feel better. i need to learn to get numb n used to all this. i need to stop crying. i need to stop hurting. i need to learn tolerance n nt explode. i need to find ways to protect those i love. i need to stop feeling so suffocated by all this.

i cant do this anymore. i wanna quit this life.

my life is a sad sad routine ever since skool started last wk. wake up.get dressed.skool.lectures or tutorials.laugh laugh laugh wif my bros n get bullied.home.dinz.tv.research on my assignment.tv.call bf.sleep. sighhhhh me no likey being a student, but at least ive got something to do to kill time. n my this sem is quite slack. wed n thurs off((: shiiookk! but saturday morning lect -.- oh n thrs icecream chef rite behind my skool!!! WHOOOOO =D n me, isk n xavier jus discovered a new bar wif reasonable priced drinks! so mon we had a lunch break be4 social psych lec n we decided to check tt place out. ordered 4 pints of beer n knowing im such a bad beer drinker.. i was high! high n i went for lect! LOL EPIC! but those 2 clowns behind me were more crazy than me!? keep flipping me upside down n flipping my chair -.- CRAZZYYYY

anywhos... realli miss bf so much! realli cant wait for friday's public holiday!! planning a lil sentosa trip jus becuz i REALLI WANNA go Candylicious!!! wanna see the halloween candy be4 it goes off the shelves! heehee sucker for seasonal candy!!!

jus 2 pics frm bf's bday. cuz i suddenly miss my twin!

omg watching this hk drama n this hk guy is dam hot!! shall google him nw! n he reminds me of bf esp in his thai boxing shorts!! heeeheeeee =D

its jus me n my dog on a friday nite

yeppers ive been home the whole day! out sick wif my allergies acting up cuz the cat slept wif me n the dog last nite on my pillow. breathing her fur into my nose jus clogged up my nose n made things so bad for me in the morning. wanted to press on n got changed to go to skool but my eyes were watery, puffy n my nose all red like rudolf so i decided to jus stay home n bed rest all day((:

n bf has some deepavali event thingy in camp at nite so im home in front of the lappy camwhoring wif my furball son who has been annoyingly naughty these days! grrr.. peeing on the couch like for the 1st time!? omg i was soooo angry n jus when i was gg to meet my bros to discuss our assignment!

yay so bf jus called((: hate hw his camp has like no reception!!? so basically frm 9am to 5pm hes like uncontactale. so when he gets home i always feel happy to hear his voice!

k i shall go get to shower. n nw the question is... to Halloween or nt to Halloween tmr??! hmmmm...

if yall hav been following my twitter... ive been ranting n getting all pissy abt wat frens i hav these days. well obviously i noe ive got a handful tt i can count on n these are mostly the guys! the girls are jus disappointing!!! like wth!? i wont go into detail wat has been gg on but this is jus another reason y i choose n hav more guy pals or bros than girlfrens. cuz girls jus simply cant be trusted! ive been peeved for quite a number of days. as in nt like i hav nv noticed this pattern be4 in my frens but i guess recently it has become more prominent n it also happened to my bf too! so i guess both of us hav come to a point whr we both dunno who realli are our frens tt got our backs n who will keep to their promises in a frenship. sometimes i jus feel tt such people arent worth my time or anger at all. but being me.. i always over-think things n if u realli do noe me nth is more impt than my frens. like if u need me to listen to u rant over a terrible bf or a bad break up or gossip mongers.. u noe i will def drop watever i am doing n loan u my ears n time. but y cant yall do tt for me? like i feel most of my frenships wif my girls are all 1 sided. like its always me whos thr for u but ur nv thr for me?

wat makes me feel worse is tt my bf hasnt been able to listen to my rants recently since hes so drained after work n all he jus wanna sleep n rest n our fone calls are cut down to its minimum. also noe wif his 'save $ for my vroom vroom' plan, meeting each other is also cut down too esp during the wkdays. k la but i noe im nv alone as long as i hav my baby wif me. or at least i hav our furball son to "fill" in for him until hes free to talk to me.

apart frm all this.. skool jus started. 2nd day n ive already missed tutorials but becuz i was sick okaayy! omg jus thinking abt this makes my blood boil but my skool is a total BITCH ASS i tell u! fking 2hrs of drilling when im having lecture jus rite next to the dam lecture hall. like seriously wtf!!? are yall so stupid!!? so u can imagine us battling wif the dam drilling n being forced to concentrate on the lecture. yea i walked out having a bad ass headache tt knocked me out the whole nite! geezz tts like 1 more reason added to my 101 hates abt my fking STUPID N RETARDED skool! k seriously.. DUN EVER STUDY AT JCU singapore!!
(fking still resent tt shit for manipulating my mind to coming back! yea i could hav been in UWA okay bitch! k but watever at least i found the love of my life while i came back!(:

k but apart frm my skool being the totally suckish skool on the entire planet... i met some pretty awesome people! so tts the ONLI plus point to my skool! k 1 day i shall list down a few reasons y one should NEVER enrol into my skool!!!

im hungry as im typing this. guess i better head to bed! my rents hav been on my case lately abt me sleeping so late n blah blah blah cuz of my low BP n wat nt. oh n so is my bf! toooddllleesss!

ps.. i miss this boy hell alot :( n its ok if we dun hav frens! cuz at least we noe we hav each other! so suck on tt world!! frens?! PUI! my asssssss!
pss.. ive unlocked my twitter acc! <--- so start following me again!!!

on 23rd october.. just 2 wks after i turned 18.. my bf turned 23!! =D

bbq bday celebration for my babyboy. n i got him a yummy tumtum choc banana cake!! omg it was sooooo good everyone was raving abt it! =D yay i did a gd job! n im so happy i spent his bday wif him(: i love u so much baby!! my cutie pootsie pie!

back frm Play. im exhausted n wasted!! as im typing this im headachy!! omg idk hw much shit i drank tonite? k nt alot but like the drinks were quite strong i must say! Play was awesome wif my twin n darren(: had such a blast as its a totally diff scene frm wat im used to (Zirca) n gosh i still had so much fun!!! met alot of new faces, old faces! (: but nevertheless i still am thankful to be wif my bf! dun get me wrong im totally open to the gay scene n im so accepting n rather i LOVE them more than "my own kind"! but jus tt it aint for me!


k i think i better crash like nw? super tired nw! n still gotta wake up for lunchy wif my mumsie n sister later! will post pics up when im nt in this state (high/wasted) BYEEE

i miss my boy :(
so i havnt seen my boy in 4 days :( its depressing realli. cuz his new work thingy is tiring him out tt i dun even hav time to see him when he finishes work. sigghh k but at least fri n sat nite will be OUR nite. k rather fri(: gg for a french dinz to celebrate his bday. n saturday is whr all our frens come together n celebrate our bday together! cant waittt

anyways today will be a nite out wif twin((: plan is to head to Play but im having this lazy mode. omg maybe cuz skool is starting n its hitting me. i honestly feel like chilling out wif drinks instead of partying partying. oh wells we shall see wat happens when i actually step out of the hse

ive been eating so much yogurt the whole day(: LOVE LOVE YOGURT!! k gonna go watch E! news! byeeee