On the go 1

Currently blogging via Liam my new iPhone4(:

Jus testing out the connection since I havnt blogged in ageeesssss! Well if I can get this uploaded I promise more posts since I can blog on the go nw(:


Veri boring n pointless post but yea.

I love sat nites wif my Bf. He's the cutest I swear! We would break out into random dances when a gd song plays. He's such a kid I can't help but squeeze him all the time! My cutest baby everrrrrr! I love u pooooooo

despite all this crap i gotta go through and feel right now...

the love of my life keeps me sane. cuz when im upset, he will do a crazy "angry" dance (he likes to call it crumping) n shake his butt like thrs no tmr n then i will join in wif him n dance all the pain away. i love you so much baby! thxs for standing by me through all the hard times.

ive been avoiding blogging cuz i noe then i hav to face up to my fears n truth abt my whole life nw. ive been trying to handle some issues recently.. im trying so hard to put on a brave front n numb all my feelings. i realli wish i was a vampire. tt way i can nv feel n hide my emotions so well frm others. on day 1 of (i shall call it...) "the explosion", i caved in telling my bros n kerry. n obviously the bf was the veri 1st to hear me wailing over the fone. feeling so helpless hes the onli one i can talk to but he will nv underst wat is gg through.. wat I am gg through cuz his life is totally opp to mine. as depressed as i was.. i hanged on as long as i could. when i was out in public.. i teared occasionally even when i was listening to 'perfect nightmare' by shontelle. k normally this song would make me laugh hysterically cuz i will always think abt the veri 1st time when i heard this song, bf broke into this random crazy dance which made me laugh so hard! for once.. no "happy song" could cheer me up. n when i told my bros abt it... n they came over to hug me.. i jus balled my eyes out. i was at freakin starbucks damit! so we decided to take a drive to marina barrage n screw studying for tt day since we were all upset. we landed up at haji for dinz n shisha n realli talking abt it. i felt pain again. this time was harder since thr was onli 1 person tt came into my head the whole time n onli 1 aim.. hw to protect the ones i love? i struggled wif my emotions n pain for many days. even up to nw it still hurts. idk hw i can withstand all this already. cuz every moment bring around tt perosn irks me.. repulses me.

all along i must say im blessed. im always surrounded by people who love, care n protect me. im pampered at home n even when im out wif frens. im always the baby of the bunch. n being so used to it i often take it for granted. but thr was always part of me tt wished deep down i had a different life... different environment. i was always jealous of others. but yet i noe thr will be others who are jealous of me. cuz i grew up always getting wat i want. i will whine n cry to my parents till i get wat i want. yea call me spoiled but this was hw my parents showed me hw much they love me. jus today i received my iPhone 4 n 2k plus to re-do my whole rm. n jus last wk i mentioned to my dad tt i want the iPhone 4 n i got it today. yes im blessed... materialistically. but wat abt r/s wise? its always been a question mark for me. cuz im always jealous of others.

im battling wif all sorts of emotions nw. it hurts me so much when i noe so much but yet i can onli sit here writing my emotions n feelings wifout having any ability to protect the ones i love. i feel weak n useless. for once in my life i dun wanna be protected but i wanna do my part to protect others.

my bf, furball son n sister has been my pillar of support through this whole "explosion". sometimes i bet my bf thinks im bipolar. cuz i can be so happy when im wif him but once he hugs me.. i jus grab him so tight n cry on his shoulders until hes drenched in my tears. then to make me feel better.. he will do a crazy dance or tiger pounce n i will laugh. he realli noes hw to pamper n comfort me.

but u noe i jus feel its so unfair. i hav enough on my plate already n yet all this must happen. like it my whole life jus destined to deal wif crap n get all upset n affected by everything tt i lose all focus n direction in my life? when something falls apart in my life.. i get flustered, get frequent anxiety attacks, lose my concentration n motivation. so u tell me hw am i suppose to be focusing on my skool work?! im jus a kid who turned legal n i should be onli worrying abt skool work, assignments n exams. nt all these other crap! u noe hw suffocating n stressful all this feels?! i go to bed crying almost every nite. i wake up wif puffy eyes n a pale face. i look so shag.. im losing appetite.

i need strength to move on wif my own life. i need comfort. i need remedies to make me feel better. i need to learn to get numb n used to all this. i need to stop crying. i need to stop hurting. i need to learn tolerance n nt explode. i need to find ways to protect those i love. i need to stop feeling so suffocated by all this.

i cant do this anymore. i wanna quit this life.

my life is a sad sad routine ever since skool started last wk. wake up.get dressed.skool.lectures or tutorials.laugh laugh laugh wif my bros n get bullied.home.dinz.tv.research on my assignment.tv.call bf.sleep. sighhhhh me no likey being a student, but at least ive got something to do to kill time. n my this sem is quite slack. wed n thurs off((: shiiookk! but saturday morning lect -.- oh n thrs icecream chef rite behind my skool!!! WHOOOOO =D n me, isk n xavier jus discovered a new bar wif reasonable priced drinks! so mon we had a lunch break be4 social psych lec n we decided to check tt place out. ordered 4 pints of beer n knowing im such a bad beer drinker.. i was high! high n i went for lect! LOL EPIC! but those 2 clowns behind me were more crazy than me!? keep flipping me upside down n flipping my chair -.- CRAZZYYYY

anywhos... realli miss bf so much! realli cant wait for friday's public holiday!! planning a lil sentosa trip jus becuz i REALLI WANNA go Candylicious!!! wanna see the halloween candy be4 it goes off the shelves! heehee sucker for seasonal candy!!!

jus 2 pics frm bf's bday. cuz i suddenly miss my twin!

omg watching this hk drama n this hk guy is dam hot!! shall google him nw! n he reminds me of bf esp in his thai boxing shorts!! heeeheeeee =D

its jus me n my dog on a friday nite

yeppers ive been home the whole day! out sick wif my allergies acting up cuz the cat slept wif me n the dog last nite on my pillow. breathing her fur into my nose jus clogged up my nose n made things so bad for me in the morning. wanted to press on n got changed to go to skool but my eyes were watery, puffy n my nose all red like rudolf so i decided to jus stay home n bed rest all day((:

n bf has some deepavali event thingy in camp at nite so im home in front of the lappy camwhoring wif my furball son who has been annoyingly naughty these days! grrr.. peeing on the couch like for the 1st time!? omg i was soooo angry n jus when i was gg to meet my bros to discuss our assignment!

yay so bf jus called((: hate hw his camp has like no reception!!? so basically frm 9am to 5pm hes like uncontactale. so when he gets home i always feel happy to hear his voice!

k i shall go get to shower. n nw the question is... to Halloween or nt to Halloween tmr??! hmmmm...

if yall hav been following my twitter... ive been ranting n getting all pissy abt wat frens i hav these days. well obviously i noe ive got a handful tt i can count on n these are mostly the guys! the girls are jus disappointing!!! like wth!? i wont go into detail wat has been gg on but this is jus another reason y i choose n hav more guy pals or bros than girlfrens. cuz girls jus simply cant be trusted! ive been peeved for quite a number of days. as in nt like i hav nv noticed this pattern be4 in my frens but i guess recently it has become more prominent n it also happened to my bf too! so i guess both of us hav come to a point whr we both dunno who realli are our frens tt got our backs n who will keep to their promises in a frenship. sometimes i jus feel tt such people arent worth my time or anger at all. but being me.. i always over-think things n if u realli do noe me nth is more impt than my frens. like if u need me to listen to u rant over a terrible bf or a bad break up or gossip mongers.. u noe i will def drop watever i am doing n loan u my ears n time. but y cant yall do tt for me? like i feel most of my frenships wif my girls are all 1 sided. like its always me whos thr for u but ur nv thr for me?

wat makes me feel worse is tt my bf hasnt been able to listen to my rants recently since hes so drained after work n all he jus wanna sleep n rest n our fone calls are cut down to its minimum. also noe wif his 'save $ for my vroom vroom' plan, meeting each other is also cut down too esp during the wkdays. k la but i noe im nv alone as long as i hav my baby wif me. or at least i hav our furball son to "fill" in for him until hes free to talk to me.

apart frm all this.. skool jus started. 2nd day n ive already missed tutorials but becuz i was sick okaayy! omg jus thinking abt this makes my blood boil but my skool is a total BITCH ASS i tell u! fking 2hrs of drilling when im having lecture jus rite next to the dam lecture hall. like seriously wtf!!? are yall so stupid!!? so u can imagine us battling wif the dam drilling n being forced to concentrate on the lecture. yea i walked out having a bad ass headache tt knocked me out the whole nite! geezz tts like 1 more reason added to my 101 hates abt my fking STUPID N RETARDED skool! k seriously.. DUN EVER STUDY AT JCU singapore!!
(fking still resent tt shit for manipulating my mind to coming back! yea i could hav been in UWA okay bitch! k but watever at least i found the love of my life while i came back!(:

k but apart frm my skool being the totally suckish skool on the entire planet... i met some pretty awesome people! so tts the ONLI plus point to my skool! k 1 day i shall list down a few reasons y one should NEVER enrol into my skool!!!

im hungry as im typing this. guess i better head to bed! my rents hav been on my case lately abt me sleeping so late n blah blah blah cuz of my low BP n wat nt. oh n so is my bf! toooddllleesss!

ps.. i miss this boy hell alot :( n its ok if we dun hav frens! cuz at least we noe we hav each other! so suck on tt world!! frens?! PUI! my asssssss!
pss.. ive unlocked my twitter acc! <--- so start following me again!!!

on 23rd october.. just 2 wks after i turned 18.. my bf turned 23!! =D

bbq bday celebration for my babyboy. n i got him a yummy tumtum choc banana cake!! omg it was sooooo good everyone was raving abt it! =D yay i did a gd job! n im so happy i spent his bday wif him(: i love u so much baby!! my cutie pootsie pie!